Endless Monkeys

So tomorrow I will be getting married.

I sit and look at that line and just ponder, over and over, about what it means. What it means to me, for me, for us, for everything. However, before I get too far into things, I do believe some preamble is in order here.

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From time to time, I love to take a little trip down memory lane and visit the memories of my past. A particular favorite is when I think about my high school years. Of course, I’ll talk about it at times and that inevitably leads to the “what part of your class were you in?” in an attempt to gauge just how brainy I am. Of course, I’m always more than happy to say that I was actually in the top 25% of my class.

Of course, it’s easier than you think…

So I decided to roll on down to Freddy’s and pick up some milk. While there, I was treated to my FAVORITE urban spotting, The Hipster.

What makes this interesting is that I live in Clackamas, which is pretty far away from where most hispters patrol, which is primarily on Hawthorne. So, obviously, they must be out slumming it or whatever hipsters would call it. Anyways, I decided to follow them around a little bit, just because I couldn’t help but just be fascinated. I love hipsters, honestly. Especially when I spot one who’s actually flagging. Of course, I wonder if they realize what they’re doing, but I highly doubt it. I’ve always wanted to walk up to one of them and ask, but the opportunity has yet to present itself.

So after spending some time Jane Goodall-ing these folks, I figured that @KoekjeMom was probably starting to wonder just where in the hell I was, so I grabbed the moo juice and made my way to checkout.

Right behind them.

So there I was. Mere inches from my subjects. At this point, I got a chance to overhear the dialogue and I realized that it was riveting. It seems like all the ills of the world can be traced down to the following:

George Bush
Dick Cheney
Republicans in general

I found this completely enthralling. It was when I came out of the store that I was treated to the fullest expression of just how magnanimously stupid these people could be… they were getting into an SUV. And not something cool and hipster-ish like an Infiniti or a VW bus. Nono, it was a Chevy Tahoe.

I was absolutely stunned. Of course,at that point my sociologist side took a back seat and the nerd in me came out. I finally figured out one aspect of the Hipster Equation:

hipster(“bush sucks” + “cheney sucks) * (“fucking fascist republicans” + “he should go to GTMO for the rest of his life”) / getting into a Chevy Tahoe = FAIL

I wonder if I could get Applied Mathematics doctorate out of this?

Ok. I’m seriously about ready to just go even more insaner (hey, my blog, my abuse of English ).

So I have a friend caught in the midst of a difficult situation and I feel bad for them. They’re having to make some difficult decisions and my heart goes out to them. They’re seeking advice from friends, which can be helpful… sort-of.

One peson giving this advice is.. well.. whoever it is, they defy reality with some of their advice.

Now I’ll grant you, I tend to think that not just anyone can give advice. Oh sure, I have an entire site devoted to it, so you know that I obviously feel arrogant qualified enough to dispense advice and, thus, judge the fuck out of make a determination of the quality of the advice that others give. So with that in mind, I still think this person is a raging idiot.

Some of the advice this person is giving my friend pretty much smacks of them not being able to come to terms with the fact that their life isn’t what they dreamed it would be. Somehow this person is all ragey about the quality of their life.. or else they’re giving the most fucked-up syncophant advice in a desperate bid to get into my friend’s pants. Honestly, I’m not sure, I just know that some of what this person is telling my friend is completely idiotic. And thus begins a slight rant.

I can understand being angry about your past. I know it sucks sometimes when your life didn’t go as planned. But try not to let that come spilling out all over your life and the Internet. Honestly. If your idea of “advice” is to play petty games and be an absolute dick, then do humanity a favor and shut the fuck up. In a delicate situation, intelligence needs to rule out over your hurt feelings. So, seriously, just stop. Unless your goal is to get into my friend’s pants. Then, again, stop. You’re picking perhaps one of the DUMBEST ways to do it.

Ugh.

Ok. I will be somewhat forthright here and explain that this is probably one of my more arrogant postings. So, if someone being an absolutely pretentious ass bothers you, bail out now. Otherwise, feel free to read on.

So with that said. I think one of my strong suits in life is that I am actually able to truly give good advice. I mean, people have been coming to me with advice requests for years. Years and years, in fact. At one point (this is a VERY long time ago, pre-2K) I was rather well-known amongst a circle of people for being able to listen and give good advice. Pretty damn flattering, really. The other part of it was that I was also able to figure out when people wanted advice versus when people just wanted someone to say “yes. That absolutely asinine plan you’ve concocted will utterly fail, but go ahead.. give it a shot.” It was almost like a gift. I never really took it seriously, until about a year ago.

When I registered DeviantAdvice.com.

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Ok. So I mentioned wanting to add a new comic to my box over at Things From Another World and the decision was made to add Green Lantern. I wasn’t 100% certain about it at first, but figured I needed something to balance out my Batman collection. I only knew tiny bits and pieces about Green Lantern, but figured that it was worth a shot. I’m happy to say that it’s proven to be a remarkably good move. I’ve added both Green Lantern and Green Lantern Corps to my box now. I’m actually hoping that, since this particular title isn’t quite as expansive as Batman, I can actually attempt to collect back issues. We’ll see on that one though as collecting can get spendy.

I’ve also decided I’m going to try and start posting about the comics I read. I’m not entirely certain I will try to keep up with the Batman stuff since there are so many titles, but I will likely start reviewing Green Lanterns. The upshot is that Corps is starting up a new arc (“Blackest Night”) and Green Lantern is just finishing up an arc (“Rage of the Red Lanterns,” which is what got me to read it in the first place) and will also be joining in the “Blackest Night” arc. The decision to forgo reviewing Batman may actually be lifted once “The Battle For The Cowl” starts up around the 11th of this month.

That’s it for now. I hope to knock out an entry later on today.

Hey folks…

So with my recent inclusion into the OurPDX stable of writers, I’ve decided that all of my “Well, I plan to do this one day” posts have to pretty much come to an end. Instead, I now focus on “Yes, I do believe working my ass off is a GREAT idea” posts instead.

And I’m not waiting around.

Given that at least one network (again, thanks so much Betsy) has decided my writing is good enough, that means I have a good chance of doing what I’ve so often talked about, writing for a living. Even if I try to defray things by saying “Oh, Betsy is just one in a million,” I really can’t do that since the population of the US is around 300 millionish (source), so that means there’s around 299 more people just like her in the US alone. So, clearly, there’s some opportunity there. Even if 1/10th of those offered me a low paying job (let’s say 10 grand a year, just for fun), then that means I could have a potential of 300 grand in a year.

Sure, the odds of this happening are low.. but hey, at least I’m thinking in the right terms. And no Betsy, this isn’t me hinting. *laugh*

So here’s my plan. I would like to pick up some sort of paying gig (regular paying, that is) within a few months. My eventual hope is that, within a year, I can find a way to double my current income. Of course, this presumes that I keep my current job (giving it up really isn’t an option at the moment, insurance is just too damn expensive otherwise), so making “double my income” will be significantly easier. Once I achieve that goal, my plan is to work enough so that, within about 5 years, I can actually freelance for my entire work. On top of that, I’m also doing this so that @KoekjeMom can quit her job and focus on whatever her goal is, which is currently bouncing between a cupcake shop or an accountant. Obviously I prefer the cupcake shop route, but that’s just me. Either way, I want her into her dream career as soon as possible.

Especially because I want a goddam house. I don’t care about the current economy and everyone doing the “oh noes, the economies is down, we must freak out.” No. Screw that. Economies are meant to do this, so I’m not worried. The economy is a system just like any other, so it’s going to operate in cycles. I’m fine with this. Yes, layoffs are scary as hell, but it’s just part of the whole experience. So with that in mind, I want a damn house. I want a place to call my very own with a nice-sized room that I can work in and write off on my taxes. Getting this will take an ass-load of work and being part of OurPDX is just the start. Once I establish a good audience there (which really should be no problem since the site is very well-respected), then it’s just a matter of time before I’m able to get potential offers from other sites. Of course, I’ll always remain loyal to OurPDX and will write for them for as long as they’ll welcome me.

And that’s it for now. I’d love to stay and write more, but I got work to do. Yeehaw!

Well, something like that at least.

Actually, I am a winner. I’d like to proudly announce that I’m one of the new authors over at OurPDX.net. Unsurprisingly, I’m their Advice Guy.

I’m VERY excited about this. A while back I had asked the ever-awesome Cami Kaos about writing for OurPDX and she told me who to get in touch with, so I did (took a chance, which is rare for me). Well, at the time they weren’t taking new authors as they had a lot of projects in the works. As a result, I sort-of put it off to the side and somewhat forgot about it. So last night, around 9, I get the email that says they’ve made changes to their writing agreement and now want me on board. OMG! So I shoot back an email letting them know that I’d like to do an advice column, but wasn’t sure how to keep it Portland-related. So I honestly expected them to say “thanks, but no thanks” and be done with it.

Nope. The site owner loved the idea and loved what I showed her at Deviant Advice. So imagine my surprise and happiness. So we figured out a way to keep it Portland-related and that’s all there was to it. I’ve already authored my first post and I’m SUPER happy about it. So go check it out!

While you’re there, make sure you grab the RSS feed too. It’s some good readin!

So today I..

What the hell.. Hang on.

*click* Ok. Much better. Anywho…

So I’m getting more serious about writing. Yes, I’ve said it before and I know you all are annoyed that I keep harping on it. Deal with it, ok? Great. So why is this post different? Because of this:

That’s right people.  I gots me a book about it. Granted, I have no delusions that say I’m gonna suddenly start pulling down huge wads of cash, but at least I’m taking the steps to go in that direction eventually. I’ve only covered the introdcution of the book so far (easy people, I just got it a couple days ago and I’ve been busy) and it’s pretty much common-sense stuff. IE: don’t expect this overnight, takes a lot of hardwork, my wife was sceptical, but I proved her ass wrong, and all the other pithy comments by a person writing a “how to”  book out of pure spite.

But hey, it works for me. Granted, my fiance actually supports me in my endeavor and that makes a huge difference. All sarcastic humor aside, I am somewhat excited about what I’ll find in this book. I’m sure most of it is stuff I may already know, but maybe having it in convenient book (aka: “I’m going to the bathroom”) form will make it somehow more compelling. I dunno really. We’ll see how it all works out right? Right.

BTW, I’m selling advertising on EndlessMonkeys.com right now. 200px x 200px ad, 5 impressions, $400 a month. Email me if interested.

Edit:

Email already? Oh wait. “Dear Greg. Are you a complete idi…”

Back to work for me!